Hermione's Revenge
by Rants and Rambles
Summary: Hermione threatens, Dudley meets Peeves, Draco observes.


A small section of a larger piece I am working on.

The characters belong, of course, to J.K. Rowling.

Thanks to Gungy for the edit, any and all mistakes are mine, not hers.

Thanks also to Mimi (missmeyet) for Latin and encouragement

* * *

Draco, hidden behind the statue of Gertrude the Gruesome, (a beautiful witch who lived with the Goblins, and whose standards of beauty were much different from those of ordinary wizards) watched the scene unfold in complete bemusement.

He had actually wanted to go to her rescue, when the mammoth Muggle had first cornered her, but the unholy glint in her eyes told him that maybe he was best staying out of it for the time being.

'It's not the size of the man that's in the fight, but the size of the fight in the man.'

Wasn't that what she'd said to Weasley before sending him sailing over her shoulder when he tried to grab her from behind?

"You don't scare me!" Dudley raged, advancing on Hermione.

It rather looked like an elephant facing off with a mouse.

"Not so tough when you don't have this, eh little girl?" He brandished her wand in front of her face.

"Dudley," She said slowly, wanting to make sure he caught every word, "I'm going to explain a couple of things to you. One, you're in the wizard world now. Two, Muggles aren't very welcome here. Three, I may be Muggle born, but I am also a witch. Do you understand what this means?"

"That you're some sort of a half blood freak?" He growled.

"Mudblood," Hermione smiled grimly, "is the proper term. So if you're going to insult me, please do so correctly."

She surreptitiously tugged the sticks holding her hair in place from the back of her head. "Regardless, it means that I have an advantage that you don't."

"Advantage?" Dudley laughed as she was backed up against the wall with nowhere to run. Then he paused, confused when she continued to smile.

"Engorgio." She replied lazily, waving what had once been a mere hair accessory in his face. "You can break that one if you like; it's just a replica of this one." With that, she held the now full size wand to his throat, causing him to drop the one he had stolen from her. "This, of course, is not my only advantage." He was backing across the corridor now, having little choice, as she dug her real wand into his gullet. "Peeves, you can put that down now, if you please. I think dropping a suit of armour on him is overkill anyway."

"But it would make such a lovely crash!"

Peeves hung upside down in Dudley's face. "Boo!"

Dudley screamed, causing Peeves to giggle uncontrollably, and dance about in the air.

"Can I keep him? Really can I? I've never had a Muggle to play with before!"

"Dudley, this is Peeves the poltergeist. Peeves, this is Dudley Dursley, Harry's cousin."

Hermione was exceedingly polite. "This, Dudley, is what I wanted to explain to you. I may be a mudblood, but I'm still a witch." She waved her wand in a lazy little circle before him. "I could turn you inside out and upside down before you had time to scream." She hissed now.

Draco's jaw dropped at the sincerity she dripped, while Peeves danced his way down the corridor singing:

"Diddly diddly Dudley dunkins!

Dumber a Muggle we've never seen!

Made the witch Hermione scream.

She'll take his head, keep it beneath her bed, covered in clotted cream."

Peeves nodded at Draco as he zoomed by.

"It's not easy coming up with rhymes all the time." He whispered mournfully to the distracted Slytherin, before moving further on down the hall to drop the suit of armour with a resounding crash that Hermione ignored, and caused Dudley to turn even paler.

"That of course would require me to use magic on you." She tapped her wand on his cheek, "I don't want to that. I want to speak your language." She paused again, her gaze hard and unrelenting, as she stared him down. "Pain. It seems to be the only thing you understand"

Draco doubted he'd ever been so surprised in his life, when she spun around and used nearly her whole body to drive her elbow deep into Dudley's gut, and then nimbly danced out of his way as he doubled over, spilling his rather large lunch on the floor. She watched impassively while he was sick, waiting politely until he was finished.

"All done? Excellent." She used a quick cleaning charm to clean up both the floor and Dudley. "I can make the pain go away too," Hermione said casually, while he panted for breath, "but I'm not going to. Because, here's the thing, Duds," She reduced her wand again, and then tapped it on his cheek, lightly, though he winced back as if she had dealt him the worst of blows.

"I may be a little girl, but I'm a little girl who happens to know where to hit a man to cause permanent damage – be it by Muggle or magical means. This is your one and only warning. You so much as even look in Anna's direction again, for any reason, we won't be having another polite little chat like this one."

While she spoke, she began casually coiling her voluminous hanks of hair back into a twist on the nape of her neck, securing it again with her reduced wand.

Dudley had finally managed to stand straight up once more, using the wall for support. "No," She continued, tilting her head back to look him the eye, "If you so much as breathe in her direction, I'll have to get nasty." She stepped back, giving him the once over, favoured him with cheery smile, and aimed her wand at his feet.

"Glutinare Scopus." He immediately panicked, trying to move from the spot. HE was only able to pull his feet up an inch or two, before they were snapped back to their original place, as if held by elastics.

"It's glue," Hermione informed him cheerily, "It'll last a while. But don't worry. I won't leave by your lonesome, ickle self..." She waved merrily as she sauntered off, calling back over her shoulder, "Peeves! Your Muggle is bored!"

"Oooh," Peeves zoomed back down the corridor, pausing only to oust Draco from his hiding spot, as Hermione turned the corner at the other end, "She's nasty she is!" He gave a wiggling little dance, and performed a barrel roll for the stunned Malfoy. "I think I'm in love."

Draco shook his head, blinked, but nothing got rid of the unbelievable scene he'd just witnessed. He was shocked, he was impressed, he was more head over heels than he had previously thought.

"I know I am." He hadn't meant to say it out loud; Peeves' eyes went as round and big as saucers.

"Really!" the poltergeist breathed. He was about to break into song with this piece of news, Draco could tell.

"Your Muggle," he pointed out, effectively silencing the mischievous spirit for the moment.

"Right!"

Peeves whirled about in the air, did a little jig above Dudley's head and then dropped to hover - butt first - inches from his Muggle's nose.

Dudley began to cry.


End file.
